"The Ethical Slut, Third Edition" Too Mundane and Tame

 

    Hey look I'm doing book reviews again. Is this a sign of the end times? Possibly. Or maybe I'm just trying harder to expand what I read and so part of the way to keep me accountable is by writing reviews for said books. Regardless, I have indeed read this entire book, after waiting with bated breath mind you. I don't know how or why, but this book was in hot demand in my city's library system, and I actually had to wait a couple of weeks until I was in front of the line for this one. Why did I pick this specific book you ask? Well I'm single and have never been in a relationship, yet I couldn't stop thinking about a particular tweet claiming this book made them become polyamorous. So I thought, why not, I claim to be someone open to new idea's, so let's see just how open I really was. Let's talk about it.

    A short disclaimer, there's only so much I could do realistically do to keep an open mind about this book, I'm not actually that interested in becoming polyamorous, really I'm just interested in learning more about polyamory and the community that's arose because of it. Sadly though, I would say over 50% of this book is just really boring. And maybe that's because the book's kind of dated at this point, it's first edition is over 20 years old, and with the rise of social media means it's so easy to become inundated with therapy speak or therapy terms on social media, as people sort of learn to grapple with an area of expertise that was once inaccessible to most (and still is). Why do I say all of this mind you? While I think it is good that one of the authors is an actual therapist (I think she's technically a sex therapist), because it lends credence to what is being said, it is also this novel's Achilles heel.

    The reason I say this is because it was at it's most interesting by far during both the beginning and ending of it's book. There was something so comical, yet almost intoxicating about the tone the book takes for it's first section of maybe 50 or so pages. It's so declarative, in a way that's in your face that reads off as someone whose clearly annoyed by how judgmental people are against polyamory. On one hand, it makes it very, and I mean very difficult to take their points seriously because they come off as so arrogant, like they are the sole authoritative voice. The issue is, when the book goes on the defensive is when it's the most interesting. When it's not, the book quickly devolves into generic therapy advice that could be applied to about pretty much any other relationship. Like it's not groundbreaking to say people should communicate with each other, or jealousy comes from within.

    I'm sure it comes from a good place, and it's useful to the clients of whichever author is the therapist (I forgot), but that information is simply not particularly useful or that interesting to anyone wanting to learn about the poly community. Like it began to pick up steam near the end, when it began to discuss orgies and the like, but by then it was too little too late. Like the authors talk about raising children poly, and I would have loved for there to be a dedicated chapter to that, even if I don't plan on raising children poly, it sounds fascinating, and much more interesting than telling someone to "set up a schedule with all of your different partners." Of course that would make this book less guide-like, but to me a lot of the advice in this book can just be boiled down to boundaries, consent, communication anyways.

Final Score: 40/100

     I just can't recommend this book. I think if you wanted to learn more about the poly community, something that would be worth your time, you'd be better off finding it somewhere else. Maybe this book is too dated. Like I mentioned in the second paragraph a lot has changed since then. A lot of people on dating apps are just looking for hookups or FWB's at this point. Like you know what I would have loved for them to elaborate on? The connection between the poly community and renaissance fairs, like I had no idea. Instead it just gently tells you that love comes in all different forms, and they're trying to reclaim "vulgar" terms like uhhh "slut," and uhhh "fuck"? Like seriously? When it comes to The Ethical Slut the juice is simply not worth the squeeze.