"Chiodos - Bone Palace Ballet: Grand Coda" Lay Off the Theater

 

    Something something, I enjoy post-hardcore music but have never heard of this band in my life. I'd say my post-hardcore days are behind me but that's just because I listened to unhealthy amounts of Dance Gavin Dance as a teenager. I mean I did just finish listening to Bring Me The Horizon's discography earlier this year, and I do like Alexisonfire. Even still, the reason I stayed away from albums like this as a teenager, beside the screaming, was the edgy album covers. A part of me still held shame about what album covers I listened to in public. Too bad that shame no longer exists. So without further ado, my track-by-track review.

Bone Palace Ballet: Grand Coda - Chiodos

Two Birds Stoned At Once - 75/100 After a relisten I may have to recognize that I was too harsh on this song. It's a pretty decent intro track. Nothing to write home about though to be honest, I mostly blame the fact that the song isn't catchy enough to mask both the generic lyrics or the fine enough vocals.

Is It Progression If a Cannibal Uses a Fork? - 80/100 Not the catchiest post-hardcore song I've ever heard but you know what it's growing on me. I think part of my issue with this band so far is that the music sounds right, but it's not as catchy as it should be, so that makes me acknowledge the lyrics which feel largely run of the mill and more like window dressing than anything.

Lexington. (Joey Pea-Pot with a Monkey Face) - 60/100 This reminds me of this old IOS game I used to play as a kid called Deemo. I think it's the piano and horns that are throwing me off. Like it sounds right and it doesn't sound off putting but it's also on the verge of being kind of corny. At least I have nostalgia to fall back on this Panic! At The Disco sounding ass song. The song switching to full on horns for the chorus is certainly something.

Bulls Make Money, Bears Make Money, Pigs Get Slaughtered - 80/100 You know what I can see why this is the most popular song on the album by a significant margin, it's pretty good. To be honest after the first track I expected more from this album considering the first song sounded a bit more on the hardcore side. 

A Letter From Janelle - 80/100 Probably the best chorus in this album so far. Still don't particularly care about the lyrics to be honest, but you know what good job Chiodos.

I Didn't Say I Was Powerful, I Said I Was A Wizard - 85/100 Maybe this album just has a semi-slow start and really warms up in the second half because this song rips pretty hard. Like the tune is strong enough that I'm starting to key in the lyrics in a good way, as if I actually want to sing the song.

...And Then The Liver Screamed "HELP!" - 70/100 Oddly, kind of short? Generally, I disapprove of that thing where bands just decide to let the drummer play really quickly I don't find it particularly inspiring or good. 

We Swam From Albatross, The Day We Lost Kailey Cost - 60/100 I just don't know if this guys really high pitched voice works that well for slower songs to be honest. I'm not saying his voice is annoying me, but it just isn't working. Okay after listening to more of this song I'm starting to think it's just not working perhaps this band needs a more inspiring vocalist. Well, I'm sorry but I just don't think this piano and screaming thing is really working why does it exist? This band is no My Chemical Romance I'll tell you that much.

Life Is a Perception of Your Own Reality - 80/100 You know what even in spite of the weird swing rhythm and the strings intro, dare I say this song is kind of growing on me? Honestly though? This song sounds like one I shouldn't like but it's working on me. maybe this is just a sign that Lexington. simply needed more guitars.

If I Cut My Hair, Hawaii Will Sink - 80/100 Hey two really good songs in a row for this album? It took it long enough to be honest. I am thankfully finally really starting to feel the hardcore in this song, which is disturbing that I couldn't say that for every song on this album.

Smitten For The Mitten - 80/100 Did the production randomly get worse with this song? I mean in like literal sound quality both the screaming and the guitars just sound more compressed for no good reason. Oddly enough it's working for me? Like I'm not saying the worse production makes the song catchier but this second half is sort of redeeming this album.

Intensity In Ten Cities - 50/100 I'm starting to think that hearing the piano in this album is like an omen that they're about to do something overdramatic that I don't approve of. This is certainly no Divine Intervention by Taking Back Sunday, I'll tell you that. This song sort of perks up around the climax but not enough to make a difference for me.

The Undertaker's Thirst For Revenge Is Unquenchable. (The Final Battle) - 45/100 What? Did they just hide like 30% of all the hardcore/screaming elements of this album onto the intro of the song? I'm not saying it's good either that intro was pretty bad. Yeah why did they do this? It's like they had to hit a quota of screaming to quality for the post-hardcore moniker and just puked it all out on this song.

Final Score: 75/100

    Normally, I'd give an album with this many songs I'd like a score of an 80. However, I think I'll make an exception for this album. Not only did it take me like an entire week to muster up the will to listen to it, but it's woefully inconsistent. I just don't want to feel that theatrical while I'm listening to my post-hardcore. If I felt like the vocalist was stronger, or the tunes were catchier it would have helped paper over these issues, but it simply didn't. Every time I heard piano's or strings there was a 60% chance I would groan and simply wouldn't enjoy the song that much. Even still, I have to concede there are some good post-hardcore nestled in this album.