"Cats (2019)" Somehow Boring


     To be honest, this movie was not as bad as I remember, and yes I did watch this movie twice. However, it has been quite some time since I watched it, and my sister had wanted to watch it, so I figured I'd give it a go. However, I have to report that while the CGI cat fur is quite odd, that's not the worst part of the movie, it's the fact that it's boring. Like, I wouldn't say I snoozed through it all, or that I expected some masterpiece, but I think a movie that tries to be as shocking or as odd as this one really shouldn't have this issue. Let me explain.

    Cats is not meant to really have that dense of a plot. It's pretty much a showcase of all the different cats, and just supposed to be on big jolly time with cats dancing and singing their hearts out to entertain the audience. In fact, I remember doing research on this musical (yes I did research), and seeing an interview where they discussed the audition process for the musical. They prioritized dancing first, and singing secondary, except for the role of Grizabella since Memory is meant to be the big showstopper. All of this makes sense, a thin plot, and a musical that's mostly focused on live spectacle, it doesn't seem like the worst idea. The only issue is, this movie adaptation has hardly any of the spectacle, it's like they spent their entire CGI budget on making everyone fake cats, actually that's probably the case. I mean the choreography is just odd, the settings are just bland, nothing really pops.

    I mean lets start with the cast, what is up with these awful British accents? Like I understand if Idris Elba has one, but Jason Derulo is practically unintelligible with a British accent, and Taylor Swift sounds ridiculous trying to mimic one. So there goes what should be two of your best singers, considering they're supposed to be professional musical artists. I mean it's not like them singing well would have helped. One of my main issues with cats isn't the actual cats, but just that a lot of the songs are kind of bland. Sure, Memory is fantastic, I love it, and Old Deutoronomy is also a solid song, but other than that it's mostly the audience sitting through some really bland and random ass songs. Like they should poll how many people really enjoyed the train cat tap dancing, or James Corden's character, or Rebel Wilson's, or Jason Derulo's. You see what I'm getting at? The songs are kind of bland.

    It doesn't help that the setting just looks so painfully fake as well. Don't even get me started on proportions, because you really do have no frame of reference for how big these cats are supposed to be. They somehow seem smaller than regular cats as well? It just makes little sense to me. Oh and the clothes, who was the wardrobe designer, were the clothes in this movie even real? Half the time the clothes were the exact same shade as the cats fur, and the other half they weren't actually clothes and part of the fur. Just so so awful. Lastly, this isn't meant to be fat shaming but Rebel Wilson and James Corden look absolutely disturbing as cats, it should not be allowed.

Final Score: 25/100

    The sole reason this musical is not a 20 is because I find it kind of amusing how weird this movie is. Sadly, it isn't bad enough to be funny, nor is it entertaining enough to not be boring. I love Memory, great song, but that's basically the only shining point of this movie. Practically everything else in it is subpar. In fact, the most impressive part of this film, other than the fact that it was made, was that they managed to gather a star studded cast to perform for it. I commend them for that alone. Is this the worst movie I've ever seen? No, I actually paid attention for a lot of it. Is it any good though? No, I'd say watch it once for the novelty factor, or if you're high. Otherwise, there are much better musicals to watch.

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